The Very Essence of Love Read online

  The Very Essence of Love

  A Pride and Prejudice Variation

  Andreea Catana

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents for this specific book are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  THE VERY ESSENCE OF LOVE

  Copyright © 2020 by ANDREEA CATANA

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any format whatsoever.

  “Is not general incivility the very essence of love?‘”

  Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

  Table of content

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Epilogue

  Chapter 1

  The carriage arrived in Gracechurch Street around noon. Jane was in the drawing-room, at the window, impatiently awaiting its appearance in a state of excitement, as she had been since the Gardiners received the message the previous day.

  As the party exited the carriage, Jane descended to welcome the guests. Elizabeth saw her at once and found her looking as healthy and lovely as ever, but she could not help wondering whether her sister’s exterior reflected what her dear Jane felt on the inside. The two sisters shared a warm embrace, while greetings and pleasant civilities were exchanged between Mrs. Gardiner and Sir William Lucas, who was for the first time invited to Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner’s house.

  Unbeknownst to anyone, while these greetings were taking place, a Cocker Spaniel puppy, with floppy ears and doe eyes, escaped through the small crack of the open door and moved around the party with excitement, sniffing and barking at the horse and the newly arrived guests. The maid appeared promptly and struggled to catch him, chasing him around the carriage. From inside the house, at the top of the stairs, twin girls gleefully encouraged Jasper to evade capture.

  “Jasper, I am afraid, is all too excited to meet new people,” Mrs. Gardiner offered a polite excuse for the commotion caused by the dog. “And my daughters are not helpful at all. I think Mr. Gardiner might have made a mistake in giving them the dog as a present for Christmas.”

  To alleviate the situation, invitations were made to enter the house and Maria Lucas and Sir William proceeded, accompanied by Jane and Mrs. Gardiner. Elizabeth however, who was intending on doing the same, was waylaid by the sight of the dog crawling under the carriage for a short respite from the maid’s pursuit.

  “Mr. Gardiner should be home this evening; he is presently in town, meeting his solicitor.” As the voices trailed away down the hall, Jasper whined softly from underneath the carriage, which made Elizabeth pause and turn her gaze to the maid, who was panting heavily with the exertion of the unwanted exercise.

  “I am sorry, Miss. I swear this dog is going to be the ruin of me!” Elizabeth smiled and knelt to get a better view of the dog, while the maid struggled to regain her breath.

  “You are a little rascal, are you not?” The dog looked curiously at Elizabeth, tilted his head and gave a short bark as a response.

  “Well, Jasper, I am Lizzy! Nice to meet you.” Elizabeth extended her hand, allowing Jasper to get her scent. “You can trust me. Come on, be a good dog and come out!”

  The dog continued to look incredulously at Elizabeth.

  “Come,” Elizabeth urged him gently, “You cannot sit there all day.” Jasper gave another short bark and after a moment’s pause, crawled out in front of Elizabeth, watching her in wonder as though expecting a reward from her.

  “You see it was not that difficult to be a good dog.” Jasper wagged his tail in approval of such a compliment and Elizabeth scooped up the dog in her arms, and entered the house at last.

  Inside the cosy hall of the Gardiner house, she felt instantly at home. Jasper, now on much friendlier terms, cuddled near to her neck, licking it softly and Elizabeth patted the small dog to the laughter of her cousins at the top of the stairs.

  “Hello, Lizzy!” said Annabella, taking precedence over her sister’s intention to do the same. “We cannot come down. Mama has told us to stay in our chambers because we have guests.”

  “Don’t tell Mama we are here,” Eve advised Elizabeth in a whisper. “Come, Jasper!”

  Jasper looked at Elizabeth innocently, but before she could do anything, the dog sprang from her arms, raced up the stairs, and vanished along with the girls into their chambers. Elizabeth smiled with delight at the innocence of such a scene and as she turned, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror in the hall. “I surely need to refresh myself before I join the others in the drawing-room.”

  “Lizzy, are you well?” Elizabeth heard Jane’s voice and saw the reflection of her sister coming towards her from the drawing-room.

  “Aunt Gardiner has taken Sir William and Maria to rest in their rooms. I think you should do the same. You look tired. Come.

  “No, there is no need, Jane. I do not intend to waste a moment of the day not in your company. I have missed you terribly.”

  “As I have missed you too. But I still insist you take a few moments to rest yourself. We can go to my chamber so that we can talk.”

  Elizabeth followed Jane silently up the stairs; the chamber where Jane was staying was the one Elizabeth herself used when she was a guest of their aunt and uncle, and it was a most invigorating feeling to be back. Moments later, after they were settled comfortably on the bed, the Bennet sisters began to speak.

  “Lizzy, I think it has been extremely beneficial for me to come to London. I have found peace. I am not ashamed to tell you that I have realised things I could not have done, had I stayed at Longbourn. I must admit to you that you were right about Miss Bingley and I am afraid I was wrong about her brother.”

  Elizabeth protested. “No, I might have been right about Mr. Bingley’s sisters, but you were not wrong about the gentleman himself. I am quite sure that Mr. Bingley does hold you in the highest regard.”

  “Does he? I think that was an illusion,” Jane declared resignedly, as Elizabeth looked at her with determination.

  “Do not give up, Jane.”

  “And what use is it to me to keep hoping when reason tells me that there is nothing to hold on to? Mr. Bingley has changed his opinion of me.”

  “No,” Elizabeth spoke with conviction. “I am sure that he has not. How could he change his mind so quickly?”

  “Perhaps because he is attached to Miss Darcy, as Caroline Bingley said. You heard her at Netherfield describing Miss Darcy. She is far superior to me.”

  “In wealth, perhaps. But otherwise, I do not know anyone more handsome or kinder than you.”

  “They have known each other for a long time after all, longer than Mr. Bingley has known me, that is. And Caroline Bingley has informed me that her brother seeks to get Miss Darcy’s attention. We should not forget that he is friends with Mr. Darcy, of whom he thinks only the best. He values his opinion greatly.”

  “Mr. Bingley has chosen his friends less wisely. I do not think that having a friend like Mr. Darcy is to be considered to his advantage.”

  Elizabeth closed her eyes at remembering the name of the Derbysh
ire gentleman; it hurt her, not only because she saw him as the main culpable party in Jane’s unhappiness, but also for reasons she could not explain. Elizabeth looked at her hand, the same hand he had touched at the Netherfield Ball when they danced. The feel of his touch still lingered there. She rejected the idea at once and said most vigorously,

  “Mr. Darcy… If I never see him again, I shall be extremely content. He is a … a…” Elizabeth strove to find the words that could best describe him, but they failed her. To hide the uneasiness that thoughts of the gentleman caused in herself, she continued with a new subject, meant to banish any kind regard she could harbour for Mr. Darcy.

  “I saw Mr. Wickham before we set out for Hunsford, you know. Poor Mr. Wickham. So unjustly treated and betrayed by someone so close to him. What he has told me of Mr. Darcy makes me think that he is possibly the worst man I shall ever meet. I cannot bring myself to think that he had nothing to do with Mr. Bingley’s sudden change of heart in regards to you.”

  “That is unimportant now, Lizzy, for I have made up my mind to forget Mr. Bingley entirely. In fact, I feel I have already done it. I am serene. I suffer no more on his account. Indeed, I rejoice that I suffered as little as I did now; who knows that I have not been spared a much worse fate? What if I had fully entrusted my heart to him?”

  Elizabeth nodded, knowing that Jane truly meant her words, but she could not help herself adding, “Your fate could have been better as well. I, for one... I am set never to forget or forgive them for what they did to you.”

  “There is no need for such sentiments, Lizzy. All is in the past. I shall never see Mr. Bingley or his family ever again and that is sufficient for me to put my soul at rest and my mind at peace. I say that we forget that they ever came to Netherfield Park.”

  Elizabeth felt differently from her sister; she could not feel at ease forgetting what happened only a few months ago when the promise of happiness was whispered in Jane’s ear only to be taken away from her. Jane was a kinder and more noble creature than most, including herself, and perhaps much more inclined to resignation over such things, but she was not. She needed to understand, to be informed of the reason things happened and to know the exact measure of the injustice.

  One thing was for certain, Elizabeth felt confused each time she heard Mr. Darcy’s name. She felt sure she had a definite opinion of him – after all, she was confident she was a good reader of characters, but there were so many stories, so many perspectives of the gentleman to reconcile that she felt she knew nothing about him for certain.

  His proud disposition, his disinterest in being amiable to the people at the Meryton Assembly, his arrogance and disdain, were all universally acknowledged. And the gentleman himself made no effort to overturn the impression he had left in the room, as though his wealth of 10,000 pounds a year was reason enough to ignore any sort of views or sentiments people could have against him. And there was also the insult she had overheard about herself, as to having been “slighted by other men” which caused her only amusement of course.

  “…she is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me…”

  “What a foolish thing to think I could be impressed by his attention to me!”

  To these subjective and objective views Elizabeth had of the gentleman, which provoked great amusement in herself, was added the most painful one: Mr. Darcy had influenced Mr. Bingley’s abandonment of Jane. To be the cause of such misery to the person she loved most dearly in this world was inexcusable. Elizabeth found it to be a mortal sin she could not forgive, and it had little to do with her mother’s obsession with finding her daughter a husband at any cost, but everything to do with the fact that Jane and Mr. Bingley were so well-matched.

  Both were amiable, of gentle disposition, and kind. But most importantly, they felt a great deal of affection for each other. Even a blind person could have seen it. Surely, Mr. Darcy must have realised that Mr. Bingley favoured Jane above any other lady in the neighbourhood. He at least, saw his friend’s preoccupation and concern for Jane when she was ill at Netherfield Park, and he had destroyed any chance they may have had at happiness. And for what? To aid Caroline Bingley’s desperate social climbing and perhaps, to gratify his own sister’s vanity in giving her what she wanted.

  He had influenced the lives of others to suit his own desires, just as he had done years before when he denied Mr. Wickham his inheritance.

  “I shall never forgive Mr. Darcy; there is nothing that could excuse what he has done, the suffering he has caused to dear Jane, to Mr. Wickham. Only God knows how many other people have suffered on his account.”

  But there was also the other emotion she felt towards him. He was very much in her thoughts, perfectly balanced between hate and a feeling she had no name for. Ever since their dance at the Netherfield Ball - when she was intent on teasing him most determinedly - she had not been able to get him out of her mind. It seemed like obstinacy on his part to leave her with a tormented mind and the remembrance of his touch on her hand. And that infuriated her.

  Elizabeth felt agitation rising in herself and strove to control it, by giving Jane reports of all that had happened in the neighbourhood since she came to London. Of course, there was nothing of significance that could be repeated within the walls of their chamber – other than Lydia’s current preference for dresses of French inspiration and Mary’s much improved performance on the pianoforte - but it helped Elizabeth recollect her thoughts and enjoy her sister’s company.

  A maid was sent to their chamber half an hour later, announcing that the other guests were waiting for them in the drawing-room and Elizabeth thought it impolite not to join the rest of the party. When Elizabeth entered, Maria Lucas was savouring a cup of coffee, while Sir William rested comfortably in one of the chairs near the window, reading the news in the morning paper.

  “I expect you rested comfortably, Sir William,” Mrs. Gardiner said as she watched the maid bring the refreshments.

  “Yes, I thank you for your kindness. But if I were to speak in earnest, I wish I were in Hunsford already. If it were not for this business matter that required my attention in town this evening, we would have never made this stop.”

  “I understand your desire to be with your family as soon as possible,” Mrs. Gardiner replied politely.

  “Yes,” Sir William replied, “My Charlotte writes to me often about how wonderful spring is in Kent and I wish to see it for myself.” Maria Lucas, who wished to be part of the conversation, as she viewed herself as having something to add to it, hurried to say, “My sister is married to. Mr. Collins, who is a vicar; he is an important gentleman.” Mrs. Gardiner kindly agreed with Maria Lucas’s words, which encouraged Sir William to speak some more on the subject.

  “I do not speak for the sake of it, but Mr. Collins is a great man indeed, set on doing great things now and in the future. He has his parish under the patronage of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, of whom I suppose you have heard. You may consider it a father’s subjectivity, but I am content he has chosen my daughter over any other young lady.” Sir William realised the blunder of his words at once and cleared his throat, hoping the intention of his words would not be perceived as directed against Elizabeth Bennet, who had been Mr. Collins’s first choice. In her turn, Elizabeth took no offence. Not now and not even in the past.

  Apart from the shock of the novelty of Charlotte informing her of the upcoming nuptials to Mr. Collins, Elizabeth felt little else. She had no love or any other attachment towards Mr. Collins to make his sudden choice of bride painful to her. In reality, it proved to be quite a relief, as on the day after she had rejected Mr. Collins, Elizabeth feared he would renew his proposition of marriage to her again, leading to an even more disastrous rejection than the first. Elizabeth felt she could never have respected Mr. Collins, should she have entered into a marriage with him. The fact that he was Mr. Bennet’s heir was not a sufficient reason to wed him. She found him pompous, too servile to Lady Catherine’s needs and opinions, an
d he could not challenge her mind to improve or alter her opinions.

  “I think Mr. Collins has chosen wisely indeed,” she spoke with the elegance such a subject required. “I feel he could not have found a more amiable and kinder woman than Charlotte.” Sir William thanked her for her words and with a wish to end a painful conversation, he asked permission to leave the room to attend the business matter that had brought him to town in the first place.

  The conversation resumed quickly and after all the subjects which could have been discussed openly among the present ladies had been covered, Mrs. Gardiner proposed a walk in Hyde Park, as it was nearing the hour when all the fashionable people of London could be admired. Maria Lucas agreed to it wholeheartedly, for it was the first time she would see the more affluent side of London. The preparations for the outing were quickly made. Mrs. Gardiner called for the carriage and soon they were on their way to Hyde Park, accompanied by the twins, who promised to behave accordingly, and little Jasper, as their faithful companion.

  Eve and Annabella Gardiner, identical twins aged eight, possessed a quickness of mind inherited from their parents, which was translated into a storm of information they offered willingly to anyone who would listen to them on the course of the ride. Elizabeth delighted in attending to them as they explained what street would follow next, what Jasper was allowed to do at the park, and what they wished to do once they got to their destination. The dog reacted each time he heard his name mentioned with a tilt of his head and struggled to lie still between Eve and Annabella, as it was contrary to his wish. Mrs. Gardiner’s arms were used as a last resort to temper his excitement.

  Hyde Park was full of people when the party finally arrived. Quickly it was decided that a walk would do everyone good, so they entered the park through the south gate.

  Maria Lucas was most impressed with what she saw around her. Carriages with golden family crests, in which ladies in their finery sat comfortably, passed them by with importance; some drivers announcing their passing loudly so that the bystanders could fully admire the people inside the vehicle. Elizabeth noticed that whispers often accompanied these moments, announcing the person in the carriage to be a lady of some noble birth, whilst in other cases, people indulged in the sweet taste of some fresh gossip.